All my life I’ve been fairly good about saying “thank you” and verbally expressing appreciation for things others do for me. However, I think my verbal expression is mostly a sub conscience trained response that just happens because I’m deeply rooted in the formalities of social protocol in western culture. In other words, I’m very polite and good with manners. However, until recently, I don’t think I’ve ever been deeply grateful for much in my life. With my 2013 surgery that all changed.
I dedicated a previous post to the topic of my “Reset Button Theory” which, briefly stated means that most people will have a handful of life altering experiences that cause them to question their adopted world views, reject many of them, and begin life changing habits based on a revised world view. For me, my intestinal surgery was one of these life changing events; it was a major Reset Button in my life and the result was a big change in how I view gratitude.
My Reset Button: Intestinal Surgery
Two people dropped everything they were doing in their personal lives, booked plane tickets and rushed to the hospital in Denver. The first to arrive was my girlfriend Cocoa who traveled literally from the other side of the world, from mainland China, to spend three months caring for me. Cocoa demonstrated a huge commitment and deep love in her willingness to be immediately at my side. Arriving shortly after was my sister Beth. She flew in from Washington State and spent the next two months helping me through my recovery from surgery. Both of these amazing ladies put huge amounts of efforts into dealing with my quirky personality where they saw the worst side of me—my “grumpy” side. It wasn’t until the dust settled and the women were gone that I finally had time to think about my experience. I had time to stew, digest, ponder, and think. It wasn’t until around five months later that I watched a YouTube video by a Buddhist monk named Ajahn Brahm on the topic of gratitude that things clicked and my world view shifted in a major way. I finally got it; I finally understood the difference between thanks and gratitude.
Thanks versus Gratitude
I believe a lot of people get it; they understand the difference between “thanks” and “gratitude.” Up until that point following my surgery, I thought I understood. But, the reality, the brute, overwhelming impact of dawning realization when I finally understood the difference was a life changing experience. Gratitude, to me, is an extremely deep emotional bound level of thankfulness which has a weight to it. It feels like an undeserved gift or perhaps an unpaid debt. For me, I simply can’t find the words to express thanks. Saying the verbal spoken words “thank you” simply is not enough. My feeling is beyond polite manners motivating me to feel action is required. It feels like a life-debt that is unpaid. To me, that is the nature of being grateful and I for one, have experienced that depth of emotion for the first time.
Cocoa Ho
I believe my girlfriend is absolutely amazing on the level that I want to shout her name to everyone I see. In fact, anyone I have talked to the last year definitely knows how I feel about her. She has a spirt about her of happiness and find joy in nurturing and helping others. I am humbled that she has chosen to include me in her life and honored at the time she has spent mending me of both physical and emotional pains. My gratitude to her goes beyond any scope I can comprehend or express. Cocoa love the world around her and above all else has a deep respect for nature and the natural world. She is buddhist and practices it to the level of a monk or nun and I feel privileged she has chosen life with me rather than living in a monastery.
Beth George
My sister, Beth George, is another individual who seems to have a vast reserve of nurturing energy. I simply cannot comprehend how she is able to push through her personal trials to help others. Like Cocoa, she has an amazing drive to care for those around her, for her family and close friends. I think sometimes she spends so much energy focusing on helping others that she neglects herself for those around her. She spent at least five months this last year caring for me during my two surgeries and recoveries. There is simply no way I can express how grateful I am to have her as a sibling. She is my favorite sister!
